Red Carpet Revive:
NY Press Nightclubbing Column #1: D. Housewives

by Tony Phillips

Last year, TV like Desperate Housewives turned nightspots into ghost towns. This season — with the show sucking and all — viewers emerged from gourmet popcorn cocoons ready for some fun. But clubs did a little wife swapping of their own as obsolete venues changed names and everything old had a new doorman again.

Relocated drug den Sound Factory bows as Ibiza staple Pacha, a Williamsburg refinery emerges as Brooklyn Sugar, the sun sets on Ruby Falls and it debuts as Sol while the east side's Social Club morphs into trendy Happy Valley. The Coral Room's stinky fish tank is drained to make way for Stereo's gigantic (and completely retarded) boom box as Miami transplant B.E.D sprouts a roof deck winter garden like Susan Strasberg in The Manitou.

Okay, so my Desperate Housewives coma also involved Netflix, but hey, we're back, right? Well, maybe not Susan Strasberg, but everyone else is ready for a new column: a place to petition for Amy Sacco's sainthood and chronicle nightlife’s Jimmy Chooed, bottle service guzzling denizens who single-handedly killed, I mean, make this city great.

So here it is, debuting with three new spaces for all your late night needs:

Nikki Midtown
Anyone who’s ever inhaled deeply the crisp Mediterranean air then hopped atop their table to pour a bottle of Cristal overhead will be at home at midtown’s swank outpost of this international membership chain. If its relentless whitewashing and Orchids don’t spell harem, its miles of white pillows will. Yes, the double-decked, former Vue space gets the cabana-themed makeover, but go-go booted waitstaff — inexplicably attired as Austin Powers extras — toting sugary cocktails insure this isn’t a celebrity-choked Pottery Barn.
—151 East 50th St. between Lexington and Third Ave, phone 212-753-1144

Guest House
Just like a cozy country cottage, once you clear the velvet-roped mob outside. Candlelit tables and wood-backed banquettes cluster the small, but happening dance floor upstairs. Like most retreats, location is key. And this one is spitting distance from Home, its sister disco on club-clogged 27th Street. It’s got all the comforts, sharing Home’s décor and vibe, but with less hip-hop and more wallpaper, like APT and Cielo took one giant step uptown.
—542 West 27th St. between Tenth and Eleventh Ave, phone 212-273-3700

Speak
Like Mark and Roger’s answering machine in Rent, this railroad space is no nonsense. A narrow, black walled bar with high red ceilings opens onto an attitude free lounge with velvet banquettes and a little stage complete with swings. On a recent Saturday night, the VIP room tucked in the basement was empty, but the upstairs parlor stayed up late sipping gin and beet juice while a DJ spun hip-hop beats.
—28 East 23rd St. between Park South and Madison, phone 212-673-0100